08 Jun CLASS – DID YOU SEE ANYTHING IN WILLIAM URY’S TALK THAT MADE A DIFFERENCE IN HOW YOU WILL BE LISTENING TO OTHERS? WHAT DID YOU TAKE AWAY FROM HIS TALK
I need help answering these questions.
- 1- I am trying out a new Ted Talk on listening. I haven’t used it before in my online classes. I want to get your opinion on whether you think it is worthwhile for me to add to the class.
Class – Did you see anything in William Ury’s talk that made a difference in how you will be listening to others? What did you take away from his talk?
- 2- The conflict management styles are: 1) avoidance, 2) accommodation, 3) competition, 4) compromise, & 5) collaboration.
Avoidance is when you sidestep the issue, or withdraw. It is considered a lose-lose approach. Accommodation is giving in to the other person. It usually involves a person needing to be liked by the other. It is considered a lose-win approach. Competition is wanting to win regardless of what the consequences are. It is considered a win-lose approach. Compromise is seeking the middle ground. Both people give up something to get something. It is considered a win-lose/win-lose approach. Collaboration is getting a win for everyone. It is a win-win approach.
Class – what styles do you find you use in interpersonal conflicts? Do you use different types depending on who you are arguing with (husband, boss, friend, family member, stranger, etc.)? Please explain.
3- Please reword this paragraph in your own words. Do not use the same words as in this paragraph.
- My results seemed to result similar to what I have previously related to myself on how I handle conflicts. When conflicts result in interpersonal relationships in my life I tend to empathize and try to understand where the other individual is coming from. Sometimes you could be missing an important piece of information to this conflict that can chance your stand point. I scored the highest in compromising which is something I always try to do what conflict arises. I also scored fairly high in collaboration and compromising which indicated that I do not attempt to win an argument but to find out the best possible solution for everyone involved including myself.
- 4- John Gottman has done many years (30+) of research on how couples interact. He is able to predict with over a 90% accuracy rate if a couple will split up. He and his research partner developed a research lab to study couples. Here is a link to a description of his research.
http://www.youtube.com/user/TheGottmanInstitute#p/a/u/2/LLXX8wzvT7c
Class – look it over and tell me what you think. Has anyone heard of John Gottman before?
- 5- Microexpressions are fleeting expressions that reveal how a person really feels about a subject or question. Most people have little control over their microexpressions. What would a person lying say about their character? I found this clip on youtube. Dr. David Matsumoto talks about microexpressions. Take a look and tell me what you think. Can you make character judgments about the people being discussed?http://youtu.be/bu3ayOWHX0w
An interesting show to watch which can help you be aware of the more subtle nonverbals is Lie to Me. The show has been canceled, but old seasons are available through Netflix streaming video if you have that. Lie to Me is based on the work of Dr. Paul Ekman. You can find out more about Ekman on his site at: http://www.paulekman.com/
Class – microexpressions are fascinating to me. What do you think? After watching the clip, pay attention to people around you and see if you can see microexpressions. What was that like?
- 6- Turk (2007) defines conflict a bit differently than the text. He lists three types of conflict: task, process, and relational. Task conflict relates directly to the task at hand. People can have different visions about what constitutes the task. Process conflict centers around the method to reach the goal. Do you want to take things one step at a time in an organized manner or do you want to jump in with both feet? Relationship conflict is the interpersonal conflict between team members.
Turk (2007) goes in to list eight different causes for conflict. These are conflicting needs, conflicting styles, conflicting perceptions, conflicting goals, conflicting pressures, conflicting roles, different personal values, unpredictable policies. These seem self-explanatory, but you can read more about them in the article. The solution suggested by Turk is compromise.
Turk (2007) finishes up with ways to avoid conflict in the workplace. They are: a) think before you speak, b) listen to the employee’s feelings without arguing, c) cover yourself with documentation, d) keep clear limits and boundaries in place, e) avoid overreaction, f) learn to change what you can and accept when you can’t, & g) take control and manage situations.
Class – We talked about managing relationships in the workplace last week. How do you think Turk’s ideas fit into that discussion?
- 7- Gottman’s research has been on couples. He has looked at all kinds of relationships and their nonverbal behaviors. Many people think anger is a major problem in marriages and work on teaching people how to manage their anger. Gottman has come up with four nonverbal signs that a marriage is in trouble. He calls them the four horsemen of the apocalypse. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Here is a clip of Gottman describing the four horseman. It is part of a larger speech so starts at criticism without much explanation. He goes on in this clip to talk about what works in relationships. This information comes from many years of researching master and disaster relationships. Master relationships are couples that are happy in their relationships while disaster relationships are the opposite. The second clip is a continuation of the speech. What I find interesting is he also talks about the difference between a negative perspective or a positive perspective in the friendship with your significant other.
Class – Has anyone heard of the four horsemen? How do you think they work? Looking at your own relationship what do you see in terms of John Gottman’s research? Are you seeing the four horsemen or a sound relationship house?
- 8- We get most of our emotional cues from nonverbal behavior. When we talk about nonverbal codes in my face-to-face class I a demonstration that I love to do. It has to do with proximity.According to the text, there are four zones of personal space: a) intimate, b) personal. c) social, & d) public. Intimate space ranges from none to about a foot and a half. Personal space is a foot and a half to about four feet. Social space is four feet to twelve feet. Public space is twelve feet and further.
We only want to have really intimate friends in our intimate space. Personal space is reserved for good friends and family members. Social space is for everyone else in conversations. Public space is more for public speaking situations. These zones are more related to Americans than other countries. In Arab cultures, men stand close enough to smell each other’s breathe.
In my in class demonstration, I have students pair up into three pairs – both men, both women, and one man and one woman. I have them start out in the public zone and have a one-minute conversation. Then I have them move to the social zone and talk. I repeat this in the personal zone and finally the intimate zone. In the intimate zone I have the pair stand with their toes touching. I ask the class to watch the changes in nonverbal behavior in the different zones.
It is pretty cool. As the pairs get closer and closer, they get more twitchy. Sometimes they are twisting their bodies sideways to avoid face-to-face interactions. I usually cut the conversation short in the intimate space since it is uncomfortable to even just watch. Try it out sometimes. It is rather cool.
Here is a fun clip to watch about a “in my bubble experiment” done by some students at a college. http://youtu.be/cDszcrniY4M
Class – how would you feel if someone did what the students in the clip did – invade your personal or even intimate zone? In what situations do we tolerate people in our space? Does your culture have a different amount of personal space than the typical American?
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