09 Jun rough draft need help cleaning it up
Autobiographical Gender Socialization Page 2
Final Paper
Ernesto Ruiz-Sierra
Intro to Gender
When we are born, we are told we are male or female which to us are just words and as we grow up society depict to us how a male (man) and female (women) are supposed to act. As we grow up, we learn what it is to be a man or women from nature and nurturing. If we are a man, we see how men act and how there talked about in society. We see it through movies such as Fight Club. These views are constantly hammered into us as we are growing up. Then at a certain age we begin to think on our own and we create our own image on what a man is supposed to be.
Growing up as a kid, with a prominent Hispanic culture, I was always raised by what a Hispanic man should be. This meant showing no weakness and making sure people did not take advantage of you. In Hispanic culture every guy talks about having “Machismo.” The construct of machismo describes beliefs and expectations regarding the role of men in society; it is a set of values, attitudes, and beliefs about masculinity, or what it is to be a man. Machismo encompasses positive and negative aspects of masculinity, including bravery, honor, dominance, aggression, sexism, sexual prowess, and reserved emotions, among others (Nuñez et al, 2016). This was prominent throughout my everyday life whether if not from my parents or family members, but also those close to me. There are two moments in my life that my parents tried to raise me to be a man to society’s standards. These standards included for making sure you were respected by everyone and not being “weak”.
The first moment in my life that showed me not to be weak and making sure people knew to respect me; took place when I was 11 years old at a park. On this day we went to the park with family friends and as my friends and I played our parents talked and watched us to make sure we were ok. On this day there were a lot of kids at the park and as the day went on, we made knew friends. We were playing hide-and-seek and out of nowhere I was clobbered in the back of the head by a fist. I immediately dropped to the ground and as I was falling, I could see the boy who did it running away. I was dazed and confused by the whole situation as I did not see it coming or understood why it would happen. Within seconds my father stood above me, my father proceeded to pick me up. My father then told me to go find the kid and fight him. I was very young, and of course whatever my father asked of me I did. I then ran as quick as I could chasing and screaming at the kid. demanding we fight, just as my father asked me to do. We fought of course until we both just stopped. Then after my day continued just as if nothing happened. Once this was all done, I understood as a kid that if I was to be a “Man” I must demand respect from everyone. My parents never asked me to bully someone or that I had to show people that I was an “alpha male” but they made sure that if someone disrespected me or put their hands on me, I was to do the same thing.
The second moment I remember that was shaping my mind what it was to be a man as I grew up was my father telling me in a conversation, “that a secret between two people is no secret.” He then continued to tell me how whatever I tell someone could be used against me. I don’t know why I’ve always remembered this so vividly and I remember taking these words to heart at such a young age. I remember whenever I would talk to my friends, I was always so cautious with what I would tell them and never really opening to people or trusting them.
As there are many moments in my upbringing that were meant to shape my mind on what a man is to be, I believed these two summarized them the best. I believed that a man was supposed to be somewhat invincible. I believed a man was supposed to be big and strong. I believed a man was supposed to handle any obstacle alone, whether it was a problem inside or an actual person. I thought a man was someone was respected. I never thought a man had to show his strength or make people fear him or belittle people, I just always thought that people had to know not to mess with him. I also believed that a man “moved in silence”. In the sense that people really never knew what he was up to, just that he was always there, and he always seemed happy.
The first story made me believe a man had to be a bad-ass and that he had to show someone that they are not to be messed with at all cost. Now being a little older and having been in certain situations, I don’t believe it is necessary to take certain actions when someone is being disrespectful and etc. Sometimes the best thing is just to laugh at something and not take people so seriously. I believe it takes a bigger man to walk away from a situation then to go through with these actions. I do believe in certain situation somethings are inevitable and you just have to take matters into your own hand. I believe that being a man is being able to understand a situation and knowing what decisions to make. I feel like a lot of young men tend to make emotional decisions mostly out of anger and need to make themselves seem like this machoman. When in reality what do they have to prove to society. Why does a man have to complete certain “acts” or be a certain way to be a considered a man? Why do we hold this image to young boys that they have to achieve? We also make it out that it will make them feel happy.
The second story I think affected me a lot growing up as in the sense that it kept me from saying how I always felt to certain people. I feel like I never really expressed my emotions as I always strived to be this machoman and I felt like I had to follow these hidden rules, which I feel like for everyone they are different, but they all lead to the same image. I feel like I couldn’t trust people which sometimes it is a good thing because there are untrustworthy people and sometimes people just don’t need to know your business. It does reach a point where there is only so much pain we can hold in as humans. It is unhealthy to hold in all these emotions because it slowly just eats at you to a point where you can’t hold it in anymore. I think that men don’t know how to express their emotions and it correlates with the rate of suicide being highest among middle-age men. I believe this is proof that men truly don’t know how to express themselves. Honestly, I feel like I connect to this a lot. I feel like I’ve never really been able to express my emotions. Even before this discussion in class I would always think about why I couldn’t cry when I was feeling emotionally sad. There have been so many times when I’ve just wanted to cry and let everything, but it’s as if I don’t know how to do it or I just really don’t let myself. I feel like I’ve gotten better about expressing my emotions, but there are still a lot more I have to work on and it will obviously take time.
In the readings from Gender: Ideas, Interactions, Institutions by Lisa Wade and Myra, a lot of authors talk about how boys are looking for the approval from society or from the fathers on being a man. Max Ferree brings up an idea that if you are a man you can’t be feminine. Things that can be seen as feminine is crying and not playing sports. Society gender policies us into the activities and what we do our whole lives. Many men never have their opportunity to express their feminine side. We as humans have a balance within us between masculine and feminine and it is unhealthy how society makes us repress these emotions. Everyone has a different balance within and society teaches us to block one side. It is sad how society has controlled our beliefs on what we are supposed to be, and these beliefs are reaching us at earlier ages and continually through social media, television, and advertisement. I believe that these three things have a tough grasp on the minds of people. Everything we see depicts for us our gender roles and how we should be acting.
It is tough for people to go be who they want to be when we live in a world that is so policing and interfering with our growth. I believe that people have to live their lives and go figure things on their own, that is what living life is and it is difficult for people to find themselves when society is telling us who we should be. How can we find ourselves when society forces us to walk down one path? Are we really living our life or are we just someone else’s puppet? I believe that society needs to stop feeding us these “gender rules” at such a young age. We need to be able to go into the world and find who we are inside and should not feel as if we are being judge for acting a certain way. We should also not believe that just because you’re not conforming to societies rules that you are wrong. If a man doesn’t want to be big and strong or if he wants to cry and be emotional, he should not be looked at as being unmanly. We should be able to do what we want because it is our life and who is anyone to tell us who we are supposed to be just because we have different genitals.
I feel like growing up I thought a man was supposed to be invincible and was always supposed to be unbreakable. I felt like a man was someone who could overcome anything with the help of no one, but this is not the case. I believe a man is someone who is level-headed and knows how to act according to the situations. I also think that a man is someone that can be leaned on by the people he loves and the same way he can lean on the people he loves. He is someone that can express himself and can make the right decision whatever the situation is. I believe my upbringing showed me a lot of good things and bad things on what it meant to be a man and now I can look back at and pick and choose what I believe is right and create my image of a man. I talk to my dad now and we both talk about how our minds have changed and how it is going to continue to change. Even though when we are in our adolescence stage, we are always chasing this image that we see through society. I feel like every day my mind is growing and getting a better understanding on who I am and what type of man I want to be. I’m almost certain that 5 years from now I’ll look back and tell myself what was I thinking; just like I look back now and tell myself what was I thinking 5 years ago and that is ok because I know I am still young and growing as a person.
References
Nuñez, Alicia, et al. “Machismo, Marianismo, and Negative Cognitive-Emotional Factors: Findings From the Hispanic Community Health Study/Study of Latinos Sociocultural Ancillary Study.” Journal of Latina/o Psychology, U.S. National Library of Medicine, Nov. 2016, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5102330/.
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