02 Sep essay help
American Public University Comment by Lindsey Coley: No need for “American Public University” in the header and make sure to move the name of your professor (me) under your own name. In MLA it’s four lines: your name, professor’s name, course, date. An easy change!
English 101
Professor Coley
7 July 2019
Woodstock
Introduction Comment by Lindsey Coley: Avoid using these title cards for introduction and conclusion. Per MLA simply start your essay on this line.
The hit tune “Woodstock” deified the best music celebration ever with the verses “…I’m going down to Yasgur’s Farm, going to participate in a stone and move band… we are stardust, we are brilliant.” To respect the Golden Anniversary of that surprising show, Peace of Stage, LLC – has propelled the Stardust for Peace crusade to bring issues to light and bolster causes that reflect both the zeitgeist of the occasions and reverberate with the present ages. Who recollects 1969’s Woodstock celebration? The world was stunned as the festival of shake music in the little, country town of Bethel saw swarms of fans accumulate to observe probably the most eminent stars of the mid-twentieth century. Today, we praise the 50th commemoration of such an astonishing occasion. The WWoodstock celebration was the aggregate thought of its four coordinators: John, Joel, Mike, and Artie. At first, they were simply searching for an approach to contribute their cash to get more extravagant. (Jonathan, pg3) Comment by Lindsey Coley: What issues are they bringing to light? This sentence feels a little out of place because it feels like we are about to learn and talk about Stardust for Peace and then there aren’t any details really given about it except that it’s something to do with Woodstock. I would simply remove this line or add another to explain further. Comment by Lindsey Coley: Oops… remember that the final line of our introductory paragraph must be a three point thesis statement. Make sure to review this! It sets up the road map for our essay and is essential. Also, make sure to review in text citation. You’ll want to move the period from the sentence to the end of the parenthesis (this makes the cited information and the citation friends) and use the author’s last name. Don’t forget to remove the “pg” because in MLA we assume you are using the page number and don’t need it stated. Like so:…extravagant (Wynn 3).
Woodstock is generally considered as a standout amongst these most noteworthy results in music history. This festival, which had home at August 1969, pulled about a halfhalf one million individuals and cost featured at this point incredible exhibitions like Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful individuals, Joe Cocker, and Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. A portion of these sets has since proceeded to not just develop conclusive minutes in those specialists ‘ different professions, yet in addition run of the mill previews of utilization’s way of life inside the time. It makes you wonder, things being what they are, how such a presentation of this extent and impact would be, isn’t that so? As we suspected a year ago, some of these days most exceptional craftsmen well breadth in 100s of thousands of dollars for every occasion. For example: Bob Dylan gets the worth label assortment of $ 150-200K; Adele is significant $ 750K; duck can make you second $ 300-500K; Arcade consuming will remain purchased for $ 150K, and Justin Timberlake’s monstrous booking expense of $ 1 million will effectively place you owing debtors for a considerable length of time to come. One could imagine that Woodstock’s famous line could change at these sorts of huge dollars (if not more!), however consenting to these chronicled reports, it wasn’t just this fact (Arnold, pg6) Comment by Lindsey Coley: Had home? Not sure what this means. Comment by Lindsey Coley: Awkward phrasing here. Make sure to do a little more proofreading to catch things like this. Did you mean “and featured incredible exhibitions?” That would make a clearer statement. Comment by Lindsey Coley: Do you mean the Grateful Dead? Comment by Lindsey Coley: Have since is the proper tense usage here. Comment by Lindsey Coley: This sentence is too wordy and becomes hard to decipher. Make sure to write for clarity. I believe you’re trying to say that these sets became defining moments for these artists and this time, but it is said in too complicated a manner. It’s not about who can use the prettiest phrases or biggest words, we want to write so that we can clearly send a message to our audience. Make sure to think about that as you write. Will the audience know what I’m saying? Your current audience are the peers in your course. Would they understand what is being said? Comment by Lindsey Coley: This question isn’t a complete thought. How they would be now? How they would have been back then if we had been there? Not sure which idea is meant. Comment by Lindsey Coley: Who suspected a year ago? This makes the reader feel like there is a dialogue they aren’t privy to. The reader has just entered this conversation and doesn’t have prior knowledge. Make sure to assume your reader doesn’t know anything and guide them through. Comment by Lindsey Coley: Well breadth? Do you mean earn? Comment by Lindsey Coley: Write out any numbers that can be written in one to two words. Here, hundreds instead of 100s. Also, avoid using symbols in MLA. Instead of $150K write it like so:Bob Dylan earns up to 200,000 dollars, Adele may earn a significant 750,000 dollars, and Justin Timberlake’s monstrous booking expense of one million will effectively…etcAlso, note how I simplified phrasing to engage the reader. Right now there are too many examples and it starts to feel like filler. It also makes the reader start to lose the focus on Woodstock as the main idea.
Towards the end of this period, it was where music festivals thrived;, beginning from the three-day performance Monterey sound Festival at California in 1967. Monterey turned into some kind of the model for upcoming festivals (including Woodstock): Open-air, large-scale, heavily-attended, working on the number of times, and boasting some of the most popular rock and pop acts. Monterey is broadly considered as the onset of that “season of Love.” that Woodstock Music Art show was taken in New York, in 1969. It is seen as the personification of hippie counter-culture and as the climax of the cultural change that happened during the period. The events that indicated this known Woodstock 1969 celebration were wanted to occur. This structure vanquished different obstacles, and some horrible occasions organized its acknowledgment. Here is a succinct diagram of the known Woodstock 1969 celebration and the effect it took on music, American culture, and reality. Woodstock was the most loved society music event of this period and appeared to the day unquestionably the essential occasion in this history of music. Presentations from all in the globe met in Max Yasgur’s work in Bethel, NY, on August 15-18, 1969, for the celebration of understanding and music. Comment by Lindsey Coley: Monterey turned into the model Do you see how this removes extra verbiage, but still gets the main idea across? Think about how you might simplify your sentences to save room for the important details. We don’t want flowery in formal essay writing, but instead we want clarity. Here’s a great link to give you a few basics that might help you write with more clarity:https://writingcenter.ashford.edu/writing-clearly-conciselyI would also suggest reaching out to Writing@APUS in the library or digging in with Tutor.com. Both can help you with this! You get 10 free hours of tutoring at tutor.com as an APUS student. Writing@APUS is our own program in the library which will help you with the idea of clarity and proofreading. You’ve got lots of energy, enthusiasm, research, etc in your writing, but we want to just make it more concise so that it really connects with your audience. I know it can seem overwhelming, but I don’t want it to be. I am here to help and I want to see you leave our course feeling more comfortable with the idea of clarity and concision. Let me know if you want any more information because I’d be happy to find more resources for you in this area. I’m going to stop commenting on it as we move forward in this essay because I want to give you the space to read and re-work your own piece after reviewing this theme.
Conclusion
Taking everything into account, the Aug 1969 Woodstock Music celebration is apparently the most significant melodic occasion that spread this message of congruity towards the finish of this period. Charged as “Multiple times of harmony and music,” this occasion drew a few thousand concertgoers, generally in view of its huge program of some notable shake craftsmen. Perhaps the essential act originated from amazing stone guitar virtuoso Jimi Hendrix when he played the burning version of USA’s national melody, “the on-screen character Spangled banner.” Comment by Lindsey Coley: Avoid abbreviation in MLA. Aug becomes August. An easy and quick fix! Comment by Lindsey Coley: Make sure to add citations to the places you have quotes! You’ve got a great depth of information and ideas throughout this essay, now it’s time to hone in on clarity of writing and a solid three point thesis. These are structural changes that will really support your energetic style! The goal is to get a point across to an audience and now that you’ve got the researching down it’s time to think about that audience.
Works cited Comment by Lindsey Coley: Really close on your works cited! Don’t forget to center your title and capitalize the “c” in “cited.” There are also a few minor adjustments to the citation that need made. For example, each citation ends with a period and you’ll want to include a link for the reader to find your source. Here’s a link that helps you remember what to put in your citation:https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/research_and_citation/mla_style/mla_formatting_and_style_guide/mla_works_cited_page_basic_format.htmlI hope it helps!
Arnold, Gina. Half a Million Strong: Crowds and Power from Woodstock to Coachella. University of Iowa Press, 2018.
Wynn, Jonathan R. Music/city: American festivals and placemaking in Austin, Nashville, and Newport. University of Chicago Press, 2015
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