Modification

For our final essay, I am writing my commentary in a more conversational way (rather than as marginal notes in Canvas. My purpose is to allow myself to respond to the argument you are making in the paper as any thinking audience member would (not just a professor looking at technical elements like formatting and grammar). While formatting and grammar are still important, it is my belief that this paper deserves paramount attention to your reasoning, evidence, and use of strategies to convince people of your thesis. My comments will focus on that. If you believe that my observations are challenges are critical, please know that I do so only for the purpose of “helping” by getting you to think about how to strengthen your case for a broad audience with disparate opinions. Here goes…

Keep in mind each of the elements of an essay that we’ve stressed throughout the course. For example, is your initial paragraph a designed “lead” that attracts the audience in a unique and compelling way? Do you fairly and adequately deal with opposing views?  Are all sources cited clearly with the use of signal phrase introductions and proper in-text citations?  Use your experience over the past two essays (as we brainstormed in our checklist flyer group assignment a few weeks ago) to keep your own checklist of qualities to test for as you revise.

My main concern with the essay at this point is that your title is misleading.  In your title, you suggest that lifelong learning is “NOT” required to be successful, but then your essay is about the value of lifelong learning.  Is the title a mistake?  Also, if you’re arguing that lifelong learning is NOT required, then readers will expect to see more information about successful people with no secondary education.  Secondly, I think this paper could use more actual “people” on the page.  All of your information is statistical or abstract reasoning.  What readers could benefit from here is a case study example of one of your points.  Show them how a specific person’s experience demonstrates the point you’re making.  Readers will be more persuaded by “seeing” an actual person’s case alongside your explanations than they will be by explanations only.

Again, I hope you will consider these thoughts and observations as you work (from now until the 21st) to make your argument as solid and as comprehensive as possible. While you should certainly take these comments seriously, the ultimate decision about how to best complete your vision for this paper is entirely yours. As I have taught from our very first day, a worthwhile paper can only be one that you truly believe in and are committed to defending.

If you would like to follow up on any of these comments or have further (specific) questions, don’t hesitate to message me through Canvas and ask them. I would be glad to offer further help as you make decisions that develop and change this draft.