Please revise

27 Jun Please revise

brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!

Hello, Nelson! My name is Christina S., and I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let’s get started!

*Writing Strength: You have separate body paragraphs for each discussion point/each ethical issue (privacy, safety, and noise)! This will help keep your ideas focused. Well done! 🙂 Now, let’s work on improving your essay.

Main Idea/Thesis: First off, the thesis statement states your paper’s main idea/claim, but it does not outline the key points of your paper. You write,

Drone technology has been characterized by ethical challenges. ( MAIN IDEA)

The reader then won’t know what those ethical challenges are until he finishes reading the paper. To prepare the reader for the discussion, outline those key points/ethical challenges in your thesis statement. For your key points, based on your body paragraphs, what are the main ethical challenges arising from drones? Writing the key points in your thesis statement will give the reader a roadmap of the discussion which will help the reader follow the discussion better. Your revised thesis statement might look something like this:

Drone technology has been characterized by ethical challenges, ( MAIN IDEA) namely _______________, _______________, and _______________. ( ethical challenges/key points 1, 2, & 3)

Using this guide, what should your new thesis statement be? To learn more about this topic, you may visit this link: .

Content Development: Moving on, you identify 2 ethical theories, but you do not apply them to the ethical challenges that you have identified. It is then unclear how these theories support the discussion. For example, in the 3rd paragraph under the section “Ethical theories,” you write,

Last, utilitarianism ethical theories are based on individual ability to predict the consequences of an action. In this case, a person makes choices based on their benefit to the society. The decisions which are more beneficial to the society are considered to be ethical. (description of utilitarianism) This theory can benefit policy makers and lawmakers. They can make decisions and laws that are considerate to the members of public, (Custers, 2016).

Above, you just describe what Utilitarianism is, but you do not apply this theory to the ethical issues at hand. To fix this, apply the ethical theories to the ethical challenges that you have identified. For example, let’s apply Utilitarianism to the ethical challenge related to safety. What are the benefits of using drones? Do these benefits outweigh the safety concerns related to drones or not? Based on this, what is the ethical thing to do? For example, should people be allowed to operate drones or not? To learn more about this topic, you may visit this link: .

*Nelson 9370378 has requested that you respond to the Transitions:   Finally, some of your ideas lack transitions. Moving from one idea to another without using transitions hurts the flow of your ideas. For example, in the conclusion, you write,

Drone technology industry players will need to be more accountable and transparent so that they can with the trust of civilians on drone programs. [missing transition] Government and lawmakers will need to make more and better regulations to safeguard the ethical standards of drone technology.

Above, you go from one idea (the role of drone industry players) to another (the role of the government/lawmakers) without using transitional words. Transitional words are words that are used to connect sentences within a paragraph, or ideas between paragraphs. They show how a sentence is related to the sentence or paragraph before it. Some commonly used transitional words are: consequently, moreover, however, in fact, therefore, with this in mind, on the other hand, as a result, in addition, meanwhile, on the contrary, and finally. Here’s an example:

Smoking in public pollutes the environment. In addition, smoking in public should be prohibited because it harms non-smokers.

Above, the transitional words “in addition” show that the second sentence gives additional information to the sentence before it. Using this guide, how is your second sentence related to the previous sentence? What transitional word(s) can you use to show this relationship? This will give your ideas a smoother flow. For more information on this topic, you may visit this link: Smooth Transitions.

*Nelson 9370378 has requested that you respond to the Sentence Structure:   Nelson, I understand that you asked for help on Sentence Structure, but I had to focus on more pressing issues, which cover Main Thesis and Content Development. For more information on Sentence Structure, you may visit this link: Sentence Variety.

Summary of Next Steps:

· Outline your key points in the thesis statement.

· Apply the ethical theories to the ethical challenges that you have identified.

· Use transitional words to connect ideas.

Thank you, Nelson, for submitting your paper “Ethical Considerations” for a review. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! ~Christina S.

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer’s Handbook.

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Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.

Ethical considerations draft

Name: Nelson Ramos

Institutional affiliation: DeVry

Instructor: LAS 342

Date: 1/24/17

Introduction

Drones are increasingly influencing humanity. Drone technology has affected numerous sectors such as security, real estate, tourism, education, entertainment, oil, and gas industries, (Ford, 2015). Drone technology has been characterized by ethical challenges.

Evaluation of ethical considerations

According to a detailed study done by Fakhry (2000), the main ethical issue surrounding the use of drones is privacy. [Borrowed pieces of information should not stand as main ideas in your paper and, therefore, should not begin body paragraphs. To fix this and let your voice dominate, write your topic sentences in your own words. In your own words, what is one ethical issue arising from the use of drones? (You may then follow the topic sentence with the borrowed piece of information for support.)] Drones are widely used for surveillance. They gather information on civilians and compromise individual privacy rights.

Second, the safety of civilians is compromised. Drones fly at a low altitude posing an immediate danger to civilians. In congested areas, drone accidents can lead to deaths and injuries. Although Federal Aviation Authority prohibits the use of drones for operations far from the operator, there are very limited follow-ups. In some cases, drone owners float these guidelines

Third, UAVs produce noise. Drones flying at low altitudes produce a lot of noise. This noise is an intrusion upon populations and even wildlife. Drones have proved to be noisy especially in highly populated areas, (Thompson, (2014).

Ethical theories

Ethical theories provide the guiding principles for making ethical decisions. They provide various decision-making styles. They enable people to make the same ethically correct decision using different methodologies. Quality ethical decisions lead to good human actions.

First, the deontological class of ethical theories is beneficial to the development of drone technology. It requires people to adhere to their obligations and duties when making ethical decisions. This theory is essential to drone manufacturers. They can use this theory to determine the architectural designs of drones and their impacts on the society.

Last, utilitarianism ethical theories are based on individual ability to predict the consequences of an action. In this case, a person makes choices based on their benefit to the society. The decisions which are more beneficial to the society are considered to be ethical. This theory can benefit policy makers and lawmakers. They can make decisions and laws that are considerate to the members of public, (Custers, 2016). [Why is there a comma between the word “public” & your parenthetical citation? A period is used to end a declarative sentence, and when a citation comes at the end of the sentence, this end punctuation mark comes after the citation since citations are part of the sentence. Here’s an example: It is claimed that vaccines are safe (Smith, 2015). Correct punctuation will add credibility to your paper. Check the rest of your paper for similar errors in punctuation.]

Visual Aids

The amazon quadcopters have been manufactured with ethical considerations as shown below: [Instead of having a separate section just for the visual aid, incorporate this visual aid in your discussion above about the ethical issues arising from drones; this will help your reader understand how this visual supports the discussion. For example, does this flying drone illustrate the ethical issue about privacy, safety, or noise? Place this visual nearest the idea that it supports/illustrates in the discussion above.]

Conclusion

Drone technology industry players will need to be more accountable and transparent so that they can with the trust of civilians on drone programs. [What is a summary of your main/important points? Based on what you have discussed, what are the main ethical issues that arise from the use of drones? Giving a summary will reinforce your ideas to the reader. (Another way to do this is to take the revised thesis statement from the introduction and paraphrase it in the conclusion.)] Government and lawmakers will need to make more and better regulations to safeguard the ethical standards of drone technology. The success of advanced drone technology will be based on deeper ethical consideration in the manufacturing and use of drones.

References

Fakhry, M. (1991). Ethical theories in Islam. Leiden: E.J. Brill.

Geirsson, H., & Holmgren, M. R. (2000). Ethical theory: A concise anthology. Peterborough, Ont: Broadview Press.

In Custers, B. (2016). The future of drone use: Opportunities and threats from ethical and legal perspectives. The Hague: T.M.C. Asser.

In Thompson, S. J. (2014). Global issues and ethical considerations in human enhancement technologies.